1 00:00:01,653 --> 00:00:01,871 . 2 00:00:01,914 --> 00:00:04,830 - That's the face, nose, and that's the mouth. 3 00:00:04,874 --> 00:00:07,311 - It has a mouth! Oh, great. 4 00:00:07,355 --> 00:00:10,053 - Nobody does a fail video quite like a Russian. 5 00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:12,621 - Dina, take a look. It's perfect. 6 00:00:12,664 --> 00:00:15,667 - Yeah, it's fine. - Do you want to see it in 4-D? 7 00:00:15,711 --> 00:00:17,539 - Really? - Okay. 8 00:00:18,496 --> 00:00:21,456 - [both gasp] - What the [bleep]? 9 00:00:21,499 --> 00:00:26,026 - Oh, it's a miracle. - Uh-huh. 10 00:00:26,069 --> 00:00:29,029 [upbeat music] 11 00:00:29,072 --> 00:00:30,682 ♪ 12 00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:33,076 - The doctor says it's normal for the head to be 13 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:34,991 so much bigger than the rest of the body. 14 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,514 - I've heard that successful people 15 00:00:36,558 --> 00:00:39,343 have unusually large heads. Look at the Burger King. 16 00:00:39,387 --> 00:00:41,171 - Hmm. - Could they tell the sex? 17 00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:43,521 - Well, the doctor wrote it down 18 00:00:43,565 --> 00:00:47,612 and put it in this envelope, so here goes nothing. 19 00:00:47,656 --> 00:00:49,440 [clamoring] 20 00:00:49,484 --> 00:00:50,833 - Wait. You're gonna just do that right here? 21 00:00:50,876 --> 00:00:52,661 - You guys should do something special. 22 00:00:52,704 --> 00:00:54,315 - Jerry's whole family came to the hospital 23 00:00:54,358 --> 00:00:55,881 for his catheter removal. 24 00:00:55,925 --> 00:00:57,579 The doctor even let his mom hold his penis 25 00:00:57,622 --> 00:00:59,059 while the nurse pulled out the tube. 26 00:00:59,102 --> 00:01:01,235 - Oh. - Or, we could get a cake, 27 00:01:01,278 --> 00:01:02,323 and then, when you slice into it, 28 00:01:02,366 --> 00:01:03,715 it's either pink or blue. 29 00:01:03,759 --> 00:01:05,761 - Or we could all get paintball guns, 30 00:01:05,804 --> 00:01:07,328 and shoot each other, and the paint 31 00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:08,764 could either be blue or pink. 32 00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:11,984 So we'd all be like, ah, ooh, it hurts, 33 00:01:12,028 --> 00:01:13,812 but you guys would like, ha ha. 34 00:01:13,856 --> 00:01:15,771 [imitates gunfire] 35 00:01:15,814 --> 00:01:17,207 It's a girl, bitch. 36 00:01:17,251 --> 00:01:20,210 - Funny to think that it has genitals, right? 37 00:01:20,254 --> 00:01:22,908 It's like, I could have a stranger's tiny penis 38 00:01:22,952 --> 00:01:25,085 just whipping around inside me. 39 00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:26,564 - Sounds like my Saturday night. 40 00:01:26,608 --> 00:01:28,740 [chuckles] [all groan] 41 00:01:28,784 --> 00:01:30,525 - So what do you think? Is it gonna be 42 00:01:30,568 --> 00:01:34,746 a Glenn or a Glenda? - Ugh, Glenda would be rough. 43 00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:37,053 - If I was a boy, I was gonna be Donald. 44 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,707 - [laughs] Donald? 45 00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:40,622 - Yeah. - It just sounds like, 46 00:01:40,665 --> 00:01:44,060 I'm Don Sosa, and have I got a car for you. 47 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:48,108 - Um, more like, and up next, batting for the Cardinals, 48 00:01:48,151 --> 00:01:50,980 number 34, Don Sosa! - Oh, no, no way. 49 00:01:51,023 --> 00:01:52,590 - [Italian accent] I'm-a Don-a Sosa. 50 00:01:52,634 --> 00:01:55,680 Please come to my villa so I may make-a love to you. 51 00:01:55,724 --> 00:01:57,900 - [Italian accent] But I work at the Cloud 9. 52 00:01:57,943 --> 00:02:00,076 - Yes. - So we go to my 53 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,165 tiny apartment, we make the love-- 54 00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:03,775 - You come visit me, do not worry, 55 00:02:03,819 --> 00:02:06,169 do not you worry, you sit-a on-a my twin bed. 56 00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:07,779 I'm-a make-a my roommate go away, 57 00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:10,304 he don't even looking. - Make-a the love many times 58 00:02:10,347 --> 00:02:12,610 on the coupons. - I give you half off 59 00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:16,136 the love making. [both laugh] 60 00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:17,746 - All right, I should get back to... 61 00:02:17,789 --> 00:02:21,097 - I should go find Kelly. - You guys doing funny accents? 62 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,273 [as Nixon] I am not a crook. 63 00:02:23,317 --> 00:02:24,796 Ronald Reagan. 64 00:02:26,668 --> 00:02:29,540 - Uh, excuse me? Are you pregnant or just fat? 65 00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:31,325 - Pregnant. - Okay, good. 66 00:02:31,368 --> 00:02:33,849 Uh, quick question, do you have any feelings of, 67 00:02:33,892 --> 00:02:36,678 I don't know, overwhelming panic and a desire to flee? 68 00:02:36,721 --> 00:02:38,332 - Is that your first? - Yeah. 69 00:02:38,375 --> 00:02:39,550 Well, technically it's not mine. 70 00:02:39,594 --> 00:02:42,074 It's my boss's. - Uh, okay. 71 00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:45,295 Uh, little advice. Get the C-section. 72 00:02:45,339 --> 00:02:47,906 With my first, I was in labor for 36 hours. 73 00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:50,170 Finally, I bit off part of my tongue, I passed out-- 74 00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:52,520 - Sorry, didn't mean to eavesdrop, 75 00:02:52,563 --> 00:02:55,740 but I had a C-section. Not great. 76 00:02:55,784 --> 00:02:57,829 They couldn't get my uterus back in after, 77 00:02:57,873 --> 00:03:00,789 and they had to just keep shoving and punching it in 78 00:03:00,832 --> 00:03:03,313 like an overstuffed duffel. - I had to have twins. 79 00:03:03,357 --> 00:03:05,315 Breech birth, in the back of an Altima. 80 00:03:05,359 --> 00:03:07,578 Some EMT cut me from hole to hole. 81 00:03:07,622 --> 00:03:11,278 - Nope. Nope. Absolutely not. 82 00:03:11,321 --> 00:03:13,323 - Justine, we need pink and blue balloons. 83 00:03:13,367 --> 00:03:14,803 Heather, you're on mason jars. 84 00:03:14,846 --> 00:03:17,849 And Sandra, I need you to make a melon baby. 85 00:03:17,893 --> 00:03:21,157 - What's a melon baby? - You know, a melon baby. 86 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:24,204 - I can do it if Sandra can't. - No, no, I can do it. 87 00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:26,641 I'll do it. - Great. Any questions? 88 00:03:26,684 --> 00:03:28,251 Okay, break. 89 00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:33,691 - Guess who? - Oh, hey, Jeff. 90 00:03:33,735 --> 00:03:37,260 - Ah, well, Jonah ruined it. - [grunts] Hey. 91 00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:38,609 What are you doing here? 92 00:03:38,653 --> 00:03:40,220 - Oh, I'm on a break from Target. 93 00:03:40,263 --> 00:03:41,482 Thought I would stop by and say hi. 94 00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:43,310 - How's your new job? - Oh, at Target? 95 00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:44,789 Well, it's Target. It's the big leagues. 96 00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:46,922 - Well, uh, thank you for visiting. 97 00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:48,706 It was good seeing you, but these carts 98 00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:50,621 aren't gonna put themselves away, so. 99 00:03:50,665 --> 00:03:53,711 - Oh, uh, okay, well, then I'm going to do a little 100 00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:56,801 shopping for supper. Don't tell the folks at Target. 101 00:03:56,845 --> 00:03:59,717 I'm kidding, they don't need my business, they're Target. 102 00:04:04,505 --> 00:04:06,071 - Everything okay with you guys? 103 00:04:06,115 --> 00:04:09,074 - Yep, yeah, just spending a lot of time together. 104 00:04:09,118 --> 00:04:10,989 - Really? I feel like managing a Target 105 00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:13,557 would take a lot of time-- - He doesn't work at Target. 106 00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:16,081 Okay, he didn't even make it past the phone interview. 107 00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:18,301 - Wait, he's been lying? 108 00:04:18,345 --> 00:04:20,390 - He's been too embarrassed 109 00:04:20,434 --> 00:04:22,218 to admit he's unemployed. - Just because-- 110 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,872 - Kathy, no, I can't come in early. 111 00:04:23,915 --> 00:04:27,267 Just handle it yourself or consult the Target handbook. 112 00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:28,920 [whispers] It's work. 113 00:04:29,965 --> 00:04:33,708 - They cut off his cell phone service a month ago, so. 114 00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:42,760 - No, no, we're not doing that. We're not doing that. 115 00:04:42,804 --> 00:04:44,327 We're not doing that. We're not doing that. 116 00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:46,286 We're not doing that. 117 00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:48,810 Take this, it's just sitting there, tempting me 118 00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:51,552 like a redhead. - Uh, sure. 119 00:04:51,595 --> 00:04:54,163 - Under no circumstances let me see 120 00:04:54,206 --> 00:04:56,557 what's inside that envelope. 121 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,821 - This is a terrible, wonderful responsibility. 122 00:05:01,736 --> 00:05:04,129 - Can I see what's in that envelope? 123 00:05:04,173 --> 00:05:07,742 - No. - Wow, you're good. 124 00:05:07,785 --> 00:05:09,961 - It's been a difficult birth. 125 00:05:10,005 --> 00:05:11,876 The mother has lost a lot of blood. 126 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,401 - [grunts] - And the pain is unbearable. 127 00:05:14,444 --> 00:05:16,446 The farmer moves in to put her down. 128 00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:19,144 - Jesus. - Dina, some of the customers 129 00:05:19,188 --> 00:05:21,582 are asking if we can change the channel. 130 00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:23,323 [gunshot] Oh. 131 00:05:23,366 --> 00:05:26,151 - The farmer is unsuccessful on his first try. 132 00:05:26,195 --> 00:05:27,805 - Oh, you've got to be kidding me. 133 00:05:27,849 --> 00:05:29,981 Hey, Glenn, need to talk to you when you have a minute. 134 00:05:30,025 --> 00:05:31,679 - Is something wrong? - No, no, no. 135 00:05:31,722 --> 00:05:33,289 They just sent us the wrong receipt paper again, 136 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,465 and I also decided I no longer want to carry your baby, 137 00:05:35,509 --> 00:05:37,598 so we'll just go over all that. 138 00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:42,342 . 139 00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:45,257 - The baby's in a sack anyway. I'm just suggesting 140 00:05:45,301 --> 00:05:46,781 we take out that sack, and stuff it into someone else. 141 00:05:46,824 --> 00:05:48,217 Maybe Sandra. - Yeah, I don't think 142 00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:49,436 that technology exists. - What technology? 143 00:05:49,479 --> 00:05:51,046 I'm talking about moving a bag of garbage 144 00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:52,395 from the kitchen to the side of the house. 145 00:05:52,439 --> 00:05:55,355 - Bag of garbage? - You can't just move it. 146 00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:57,487 [stammers] That-it's attached to things. 147 00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:59,010 - Fine, fine, that's just one idea. 148 00:05:59,054 --> 00:06:00,360 We can come up with something else. 149 00:06:00,403 --> 00:06:02,187 - What is going on? - It's okay. 150 00:06:02,231 --> 00:06:04,973 Dina, I know this is scary-- - Okay, okay, how about this? 151 00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:06,496 We induce a coma, okay? In five months, 152 00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:08,803 I wake up empty and happy and everybody wins. 153 00:06:08,846 --> 00:06:10,195 [laughs] 154 00:06:10,239 --> 00:06:11,806 All right, don't just say no, all right? 155 00:06:11,849 --> 00:06:13,982 We can find a solution. We just have to keep talking 156 00:06:14,025 --> 00:06:15,462 until we figure something out. 157 00:06:15,505 --> 00:06:18,116 [wheezing laugh] 158 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,423 - Hey, Garrett. We need the envelope. 159 00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:22,382 Glenn said he gave it to you. - We're gonna fill 160 00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:24,253 this piñata with either pink or blue candy. 161 00:06:24,296 --> 00:06:26,647 - So people are gonna beat that baby with a stick 162 00:06:26,690 --> 00:06:29,258 till it bursts open and spews candy guts everywhere? 163 00:06:29,301 --> 00:06:31,869 - Yep, that's what I said too. 164 00:06:31,913 --> 00:06:34,176 - Do whatever you want. I don't care. 165 00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:41,139 - Did you lose it? - No. 166 00:06:41,183 --> 00:06:42,489 - Why do you sound nervous? 167 00:06:42,532 --> 00:06:44,926 - Why do you sound like a cartoon mouse? 168 00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:47,624 - [laughs] It's funny. 169 00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:50,714 - Hey, is this the only gumbo mix you have? 170 00:06:50,758 --> 00:06:52,542 - I think so. - Mmm. 171 00:06:52,586 --> 00:06:55,023 You know, at Target, the selection is just, 172 00:06:55,066 --> 00:06:57,112 [imitates explosion] Mind blowing. 173 00:06:57,155 --> 00:06:58,461 I mean, that's why we call it Target. 174 00:06:58,505 --> 00:06:59,680 That's what everybody's aiming for. 175 00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:01,159 - It's a nice store. 176 00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:02,813 - There's this guy I work with named Gordon, 177 00:07:02,857 --> 00:07:05,337 who reminds me so much of you. The other day, I was like, 178 00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:07,949 ey, Jordan, like I combined your name and his name. 179 00:07:07,992 --> 00:07:10,473 God, did we laugh, oh. - That's funny. 180 00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:14,390 Um, you know, you don't have to talk about the job so much. 181 00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:18,568 - Why would you tell Jeff what I said? 182 00:07:18,612 --> 00:07:21,223 - I didn't, he's just really good at reading people. 183 00:07:21,266 --> 00:07:23,486 Like, not psychic, but he's operating 184 00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:24,792 on a very high level. 185 00:07:24,835 --> 00:07:26,968 - Well, now he feels even worse about himself. 186 00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:28,578 - So why don't you just encourage him 187 00:07:28,622 --> 00:07:31,886 to get back out there? - Okay, he quit his job for me. 188 00:07:31,929 --> 00:07:34,497 I can't be the one who criticizes him for not working. 189 00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:38,240 - I guess I could try talking to him, if you want. 190 00:07:38,283 --> 00:07:41,896 - Oh, well, I mean, he does respect you. 191 00:07:41,939 --> 00:07:43,375 But you can't sleep with him. 192 00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:46,640 - Yeah, no, I will try and control myself. 193 00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:48,119 - Okay. 194 00:07:50,121 --> 00:07:52,428 - The name is Glenn and Jerusha Sturgis. 195 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:55,126 I need to know the gender of their baby. 196 00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:57,955 Okay, sure, one second. 197 00:07:57,999 --> 00:08:00,175 [exhales] 198 00:08:00,218 --> 00:08:02,873 [imitating Glenn] Hello, it's me, Glenn Sturgis. 199 00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:05,485 I seem to have lost the envelope the doctor wrote 200 00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:08,096 the gender of my little angel in and-- 201 00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:09,663 [normal voice] What? 202 00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:10,968 That's exactly how he sounds. 203 00:08:11,012 --> 00:08:14,058 You have no idea how spot on I was. 204 00:08:14,102 --> 00:08:15,451 - I did not think this through. 205 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:16,931 And now, I have a horrible parasite 206 00:08:16,974 --> 00:08:19,150 just eating and pissing inside me. 207 00:08:19,194 --> 00:08:21,109 - My friend Corona swallowed a tape worm 208 00:08:21,152 --> 00:08:24,895 to lose weight, and it ate one of her organs. 209 00:08:24,939 --> 00:08:26,593 She looked really good at prom, though. 210 00:08:26,636 --> 00:08:29,117 - Look, Dina, it's just for a few more months. 211 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,553 - Yeah, and then I get to endure 212 00:08:30,597 --> 00:08:32,468 the most gruesome pain imaginable. 213 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:35,689 The phrase "cut from hole to hole" was said to me. 214 00:08:35,732 --> 00:08:37,908 - You know, it really didn't hurt that much. 215 00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:40,955 I remember thinking, like, big whoop. 216 00:08:40,998 --> 00:08:42,565 Way to over-hype it, women. 217 00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:45,612 - Really? 'Cause for me, it was like... 218 00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:50,268 It was--it was like nothing. - Yeah, it was like bad cramps. 219 00:08:50,312 --> 00:08:53,445 - Yeah, or like pooping, with blood and screaming 220 00:08:53,489 --> 00:08:56,405 and then a face comes out of you. 221 00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:58,494 - It's like, what else are you telling people about me? 222 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,062 - Hey, guys. Hey, Jeff. 223 00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:02,629 - You don't have to say my name that way. 224 00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:03,978 I know what I am. 225 00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:06,502 - I wasn't saying it like anything. 226 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:09,505 And besides, you just need to get back out there, you know? 227 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:12,073 Get back on the horse. Giddy-up! 228 00:09:12,116 --> 00:09:16,164 Cowboy. - Yes, but, I mean... 229 00:09:16,207 --> 00:09:19,820 I've never asked myself what I want to do with my life. 230 00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:21,604 And I just thought, you know, now that I have this 231 00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:24,302 opportunity, maybe I could figure that out 232 00:09:24,346 --> 00:09:27,305 instead of just jumping into the first job that comes along. 233 00:09:27,349 --> 00:09:30,178 Is that so wrong? To just once ask 234 00:09:30,221 --> 00:09:32,310 what makes Jeffrey happy? 235 00:09:34,269 --> 00:09:35,618 - No. [sighs] 236 00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:37,098 You shouldn't rush into anything. 237 00:09:37,141 --> 00:09:40,405 You should... follow your bliss. 238 00:09:40,449 --> 00:09:42,625 - Yeah, defin--definitely. You'll find another job. 239 00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:45,585 You just--you need to figure out you first. 240 00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:47,021 - You were supposed to tell him to get a job. 241 00:09:47,064 --> 00:09:48,283 - But then he said all that stuff, 242 00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:49,719 and you told him to follow his bliss. 243 00:09:49,763 --> 00:09:51,329 - Because I'm not supposed to be the bad cop. 244 00:09:51,373 --> 00:09:52,722 That was your job. - I'm sorry. 245 00:09:52,766 --> 00:09:55,377 You seemed on board. - It's called acting. 246 00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:56,813 Okay, when you watch "Terms of Endearment," 247 00:09:56,857 --> 00:09:58,685 Debra Winger doesn't actually have cancer. 248 00:09:58,728 --> 00:10:00,295 - I haven't seen it yet. It's on my list. 249 00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:01,644 But I still have a lot of TV to get through. 250 00:10:01,688 --> 00:10:03,733 We're in a golden age of television. 251 00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:07,824 - Look, last month, I thought I might be pregnant. 252 00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:10,435 I had missed a few periods, and I was gaining some weight-- 253 00:10:10,479 --> 00:10:12,612 - Oh, no way, you were gaining weight? 254 00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:14,701 [nervous laughing] I didn't even notice. 255 00:10:14,744 --> 00:10:16,354 - What, are you blind? Look at her. 256 00:10:16,398 --> 00:10:19,227 - Anyway, I took the test, 257 00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:23,057 and while I was waiting, I kind of realized 258 00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:25,059 I kind of wanted to be pregnant again. 259 00:10:25,102 --> 00:10:26,713 - Oh, yeah, 'cause Emma's a dud. 260 00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:28,062 - No. What? 261 00:10:28,105 --> 00:10:31,239 - Right, no, JK, she's my fave. 262 00:10:31,282 --> 00:10:34,416 - Because I remembered how amazing it felt. 263 00:10:34,459 --> 00:10:37,419 It's like, you're carrying this life. 264 00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:39,813 You're a god. I don't know, 265 00:10:39,856 --> 00:10:42,424 I was kind of sad when I got just the one cloud. 266 00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:45,209 - You took a Supercloud test? - Yeah. 267 00:10:45,253 --> 00:10:46,515 - Did you not read the memo? 268 00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:48,082 They recalled all the Supercloud tests 269 00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:49,518 after a bunch of false negatives. 270 00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:52,129 The Midwest is drowning in blooper babies. 271 00:10:54,784 --> 00:10:56,438 - Excuse me. 272 00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:01,182 - Probably trying to get her money back. 273 00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:07,231 . 274 00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:09,538 - I know it's probably not the best timing, 275 00:11:09,581 --> 00:11:11,801 but this is why you need to read the memos. 276 00:11:14,412 --> 00:11:15,849 Look at it this way, you said you wanted 277 00:11:15,892 --> 00:11:18,068 to be pregnant again. - I was obviously lying. 278 00:11:18,112 --> 00:11:20,375 No one wants to be pregnant. It's terrible. 279 00:11:20,418 --> 00:11:22,203 - Okay, first things first, 280 00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:23,683 let's figure out who the father is. 281 00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:25,641 All right, let's make a list of all the people 282 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,512 you've had sex with over the last few months. 283 00:11:27,556 --> 00:11:30,341 - Oh, Alex, Tate, write small, there could be dozens. 284 00:11:30,385 --> 00:11:32,343 - It's not either one of them. 285 00:11:33,605 --> 00:11:37,174 I was taking it slow with Alex, and I almost had sex with Tate. 286 00:11:37,218 --> 00:11:38,741 He started doing one-armed pushups, 287 00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:40,569 and he fell and got embarrassed, and so he left. 288 00:11:40,612 --> 00:11:42,571 He said he had a meeting, but it was like 2:00 a.m. 289 00:11:42,614 --> 00:11:44,747 - So then, who? 290 00:11:45,661 --> 00:11:48,316 - It was Adam. - Dubanowski? 291 00:11:48,359 --> 00:11:49,709 - Isn't he dating someone? 292 00:11:49,752 --> 00:11:51,580 - Yeah, they broke up a couple months ago. 293 00:11:51,623 --> 00:11:53,234 - She broke up with him, though, right? 294 00:11:53,277 --> 00:11:54,757 It's the only scenario where it makes sense. 295 00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:57,064 - He came over to pick up some stuff, 296 00:11:57,107 --> 00:12:00,328 and we were both feeling a little lonely, so, 297 00:12:00,371 --> 00:12:03,592 we started drinking. Then we started laughing 298 00:12:03,635 --> 00:12:05,376 and talking about the good old days, 299 00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:07,117 and he was wearing an Obama T-shirt, 300 00:12:07,161 --> 00:12:09,467 and I just miss Obama so much. 301 00:12:09,511 --> 00:12:12,775 - Wow, it's like, thanks, Obama. 302 00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:16,518 - Funny to think I was the one who was freaking out before. 303 00:12:16,561 --> 00:12:19,608 You know what? It doesn't matter. 304 00:12:19,651 --> 00:12:21,305 - Guys, come on, it's just an envelope. 305 00:12:21,349 --> 00:12:24,004 It's got to be somewhere. - Oh, look. 306 00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:26,615 I found my retainer. 307 00:12:26,658 --> 00:12:29,400 - Oh. - Ah, it doesn't fit. 308 00:12:29,444 --> 00:12:31,446 My teeth must have shifted. 309 00:12:31,489 --> 00:12:34,231 - Again, let's stop looking for treasure, 310 00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:37,104 and find the envelope. 311 00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:40,934 - What is he wearing? - Looks like hiking gear. 312 00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:43,545 I'll say something to him. - Yes, but remember. 313 00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:45,242 Bad cop, good cop. - I've done plays. 314 00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:46,548 - What do you think, huh? 315 00:12:46,591 --> 00:12:48,289 Hey, check out how light these are. 316 00:12:48,332 --> 00:12:50,770 Carbon fiber--sorry, they're probably a little sweaty. 317 00:12:50,813 --> 00:12:54,469 - Nice, uh, are we outside people now? 318 00:12:54,512 --> 00:12:57,211 Investing in gear? - Yeah, treat myself. 319 00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:58,821 - Hey, here's a question: how are you gonna 320 00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:01,824 pay for all that without a job? - Uh, I have savings. 321 00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:03,130 - Well, he's a grown man. 322 00:13:03,173 --> 00:13:05,523 He can spend his money how he wants. 323 00:13:05,567 --> 00:13:08,613 - Yeah, well, he's just gonna blow through 324 00:13:08,657 --> 00:13:11,573 all those savings before you know it, and then what, huh? 325 00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:13,705 You just gonna be a bum? - Uh, I don't think 326 00:13:13,749 --> 00:13:15,838 I'm gonna be a bum-- - Okay, you know what? 327 00:13:15,882 --> 00:13:18,449 I think it's time I drop a little truth bomb on you, okay? 328 00:13:18,493 --> 00:13:20,843 You're a grown man. You're too young to retire, 329 00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:23,585 and you're way too old to start mountain climbing, 330 00:13:23,628 --> 00:13:26,849 or whatever this is, so snap out of it, okay, bub? 331 00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:29,852 Grow up, get a job, and be a man. 332 00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:32,507 Kapow! Truth bomb! 333 00:13:32,550 --> 00:13:35,118 - Who the hell are you to talk to him that way? 334 00:13:35,162 --> 00:13:36,685 He is more man than you'll ever be. 335 00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:38,165 - What? - If we're talking about 336 00:13:38,208 --> 00:13:39,470 truth bombs, well, take shelter, 337 00:13:39,514 --> 00:13:41,646 'cause I'm about to make it rain. 338 00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:44,911 - Hey, Adam, it's Amy. Um, give me a call. 339 00:13:44,954 --> 00:13:49,089 I have a story to tell you. It's kind of a long story. 340 00:13:49,132 --> 00:13:51,178 That ends with a baby. Our baby. 341 00:13:51,221 --> 00:13:52,875 Nope, re-record. 342 00:13:52,919 --> 00:13:55,878 Hey Adam, who has two thumbs and your baby inside of her? 343 00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:56,966 Nope. 344 00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:58,838 Hey, baby! No. 345 00:13:58,881 --> 00:14:00,709 If you want to split Emma's tap shoes with me, 346 00:14:00,752 --> 00:14:02,493 you can just Venmo me the cash, but again, 347 00:14:02,537 --> 00:14:04,800 the pregnancy was the main point of the call. 348 00:14:06,106 --> 00:14:09,022 So remember that phrase, just once for old times' sake? 349 00:14:09,065 --> 00:14:11,459 Ugh, what are you doing? 350 00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:13,417 Just call me, okay? We need to talk. 351 00:14:13,461 --> 00:14:16,290 I have to tell you that it is... 352 00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:18,901 Cinco de Mayo Eve. Arriba. 353 00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:22,426 - Hey, Amy, which of these looks most like a baby? 354 00:14:22,470 --> 00:14:25,386 - Um, they're all bad. 355 00:14:31,131 --> 00:14:33,002 - Or how about we talk about your girl, Kelly, for a sec? 356 00:14:33,046 --> 00:14:35,657 With her fortune teller sleeves and her Dallas eye shadow? 357 00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:37,267 - Okay, I think we've gotten a little off topic. 358 00:14:37,311 --> 00:14:39,443 - Guys, Jonah's right. This is stupid. 359 00:14:39,487 --> 00:14:41,750 I'm not gonna go hiking, all right? 360 00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,404 I take the elevator to the second floor. 361 00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:45,145 Let me just--I'm gonna put this stuff back. 362 00:14:45,188 --> 00:14:47,625 - No, wait, you don't have to. - It's fine, okay? 363 00:14:47,669 --> 00:14:49,236 I'll take the first job that comes along. 364 00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:50,715 I hear Spud City's hiring a peeler. 365 00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:52,413 That seems about right. - There you go. 366 00:14:52,456 --> 00:14:54,589 It's about time you started facing reality. 367 00:14:54,632 --> 00:14:57,418 - Jonah, stop, seriously. Just look at him. 368 00:14:57,461 --> 00:15:00,247 Don't work at Spud City, or wherever. 369 00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:03,380 Just-- [sighs] We'll be all right. 370 00:15:05,643 --> 00:15:08,995 - Yeah, Mateo's right. I crossed a line. 371 00:15:09,038 --> 00:15:12,172 You shouldn't take any job that doesn't make you truly happy. 372 00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:14,435 - How do you not get how this works? 373 00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:16,002 He was finally gonna get a job. 374 00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:19,005 - I'm sorry, it's confusing. You're a very good actor. 375 00:15:19,048 --> 00:15:20,702 - I've also done plays. 376 00:15:20,745 --> 00:15:22,660 ["Absolutely [Story of a Girl]" by Nine Days] 377 00:15:22,704 --> 00:15:25,098 - ♪ This is the story of a girl ♪ 378 00:15:25,141 --> 00:15:27,839 ♪ Who cried a river and drowned the whole world ♪ 379 00:15:27,883 --> 00:15:30,668 ♪ While she looks so sad in photo-- ♪ 380 00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:38,850 - Oh, hey, Amy. I need your advice. 381 00:15:38,894 --> 00:15:40,330 - Yeah, right now's not the best time-- 382 00:15:40,374 --> 00:15:42,550 - Yeah, I want to surprise Jerusha 383 00:15:42,593 --> 00:15:44,465 with some baby stuff at the party 384 00:15:44,508 --> 00:15:47,033 that can work for a boy or girl. 385 00:15:47,076 --> 00:15:48,860 Are bottles too wiener-shaped? 386 00:15:48,904 --> 00:15:50,645 - I--yeah, I don't know, maybe, sure. 387 00:15:50,688 --> 00:15:52,429 - Okay. God, there's so much stuff, 388 00:15:52,473 --> 00:15:53,909 it's overwhelming. 389 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,519 - Yeah, it's a lot. It's very overwhelming. 390 00:15:55,563 --> 00:15:59,523 - You got your wub-a-nub, cribs, a infant carrier, 391 00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:01,264 wipe warmers-- what is this kid, 392 00:16:01,308 --> 00:16:04,180 the Queen of England? - I can't be here right now. 393 00:16:04,224 --> 00:16:05,747 Excuse me. - Hey-- 394 00:16:05,790 --> 00:16:07,314 [machine beeps] - Come on. 395 00:16:07,357 --> 00:16:09,620 [machine beeps] 396 00:16:09,664 --> 00:16:11,796 - Hey, where you going? - Look, Dina, 397 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:13,320 I know I'm supposed to be working, okay? 398 00:16:13,363 --> 00:16:15,017 But I just-- I can't be here right now. 399 00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:18,673 I need to go somewhere, just anywhere away from here. 400 00:16:18,716 --> 00:16:20,675 And I can't get this stupid [bleep] timecard 401 00:16:20,718 --> 00:16:23,025 to [bleep] work in the [bleep] thing! 402 00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:25,158 - Hey, hey, hey. Let's get out of here. 403 00:16:25,201 --> 00:16:27,421 - [exhales] Okay, thank you. 404 00:16:27,464 --> 00:16:30,206 [upbeat music] 405 00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:33,383 - Sorry, I just feel weird about not clocking out. 406 00:16:37,170 --> 00:16:37,344 . 407 00:16:37,387 --> 00:16:40,042 [upbeat music] [indistinct chatter] 408 00:16:40,086 --> 00:16:43,089 ♪ 409 00:16:43,132 --> 00:16:45,091 - Of course, the eventual plan would be to hike 410 00:16:45,134 --> 00:16:46,918 the Appalachian Trail, but for now, 411 00:16:46,962 --> 00:16:49,312 I'm just gonna walk around the reservoir. 412 00:16:49,356 --> 00:16:50,444 - Cool. 413 00:16:50,487 --> 00:16:52,794 Bo and I did it there once. - Oh. 414 00:16:52,837 --> 00:16:54,839 - I've gone from expense accounts and hotel dinners 415 00:16:54,883 --> 00:16:56,972 to having to figure out what "squat and bury" means. 416 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,931 - I don't know, I think he's kind of pulling off that hat. 417 00:16:59,975 --> 00:17:01,455 - Are you kidding? 418 00:17:01,498 --> 00:17:04,110 He looks like if Freddie Mercury was going fly fishing. 419 00:17:04,153 --> 00:17:07,287 - Attention, ladies and germs. 420 00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:09,245 Sorry, I've always wanted to say that. 421 00:17:09,289 --> 00:17:11,639 [laughs] - Wait, where's Dina? 422 00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:14,033 - Oh, no, she's not here. 423 00:17:14,076 --> 00:17:15,469 I guess we'll have to reschedule. 424 00:17:15,512 --> 00:17:18,254 - No, we can--we'll wait. - Oh. 425 00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:24,434 - So are we talking broken condom, 426 00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:27,394 or a pull and pray situation? 427 00:17:27,437 --> 00:17:29,613 - Can we not talk about that? - Sure. 428 00:17:29,657 --> 00:17:31,137 Sure, sure. 429 00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:32,660 What do you think Alex is gonna say 430 00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:34,444 when he finds out you're pregnant with Adam's baby? 431 00:17:34,488 --> 00:17:35,880 - Let's not talk about that either. 432 00:17:35,924 --> 00:17:37,534 - Okay, all right. 433 00:17:38,492 --> 00:17:40,059 Are you gonna get an abortion? 434 00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:41,712 - How about we just listen to the radio? 435 00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:43,714 Oh, right, no radio. 436 00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:45,803 - Look, we can ride in silence. That is fine by me. 437 00:17:45,847 --> 00:17:49,720 I just needed to know if I should head towards the clinic. 438 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,506 The abortion clinic. 439 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,987 For an abortion. 440 00:17:56,031 --> 00:17:57,337 - No. 441 00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:59,861 Let's not head to the abortion clinic. 442 00:17:59,904 --> 00:18:02,559 - You're sure? 443 00:18:02,603 --> 00:18:04,822 - Yeah. 444 00:18:04,866 --> 00:18:07,608 - Hey, Siri, cancel route. 445 00:18:07,651 --> 00:18:10,089 - Okay, I've stopped navigating. 446 00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:18,662 - Enough waiting! [excited grunting] 447 00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:23,363 - It's white. What does that mean? 448 00:18:23,406 --> 00:18:25,887 - Maybe you guys are having a white baby. 449 00:18:25,930 --> 00:18:28,542 - That's awesome. Congratulations! 450 00:18:28,585 --> 00:18:30,152 - Garrett said that he was gonna take care of 451 00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:32,894 the gender reveal, so we just got a regular cake. 452 00:18:32,937 --> 00:18:34,722 I made the melon baby. 453 00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:36,637 - Garrett, what is it? 454 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:41,207 - Uh, I don't know. - What? 455 00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:43,992 - I mean, I-- I mean, I don't know. 456 00:18:44,035 --> 00:18:47,300 You don't know. The doctor doesn't even know. 457 00:18:47,343 --> 00:18:50,172 I mean, what is gender, anyway, right? 458 00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:52,522 It's just a construct. I mean, look around. 459 00:18:52,566 --> 00:18:55,177 We got a football, you got ballet. 460 00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:57,266 You guys are writing this baby's code 461 00:18:57,310 --> 00:18:58,920 before it even comes out! 462 00:18:58,963 --> 00:19:02,010 You're perpetuating gender stereotypes! 463 00:19:02,053 --> 00:19:04,969 How about we let this kid figure out its own gender? 464 00:19:05,013 --> 00:19:06,319 [scoffs] 465 00:19:06,362 --> 00:19:08,277 You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. 466 00:19:10,888 --> 00:19:13,543 - It's just that things were finally back on track. 467 00:19:13,587 --> 00:19:14,588 You know? 468 00:19:14,631 --> 00:19:17,199 Like, I was dating someone nice. 469 00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:18,766 Emma's almost out of the house, 470 00:19:18,809 --> 00:19:22,422 and I was gonna get out there and have fun. 471 00:19:22,465 --> 00:19:24,815 You know, I was gonna take skydiving lessons. 472 00:19:24,859 --> 00:19:26,904 - Well, you have an excuse not to do it now. 473 00:19:26,948 --> 00:19:28,993 - What are you talking about? I was gonna do it. 474 00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:30,778 - Mm-hmm. - I visited the website 475 00:19:30,821 --> 00:19:32,214 like five times. - Yeah, what's the name 476 00:19:32,258 --> 00:19:34,042 of the place? 477 00:19:34,085 --> 00:19:36,523 - [stammers] Captain Rick's... 478 00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,220 Skydiving... 479 00:19:38,264 --> 00:19:40,091 Bonanza. - Mm-hmm. 480 00:19:40,135 --> 00:19:42,224 - Fine, the point is, I wanted the option 481 00:19:42,268 --> 00:19:44,400 to take the skydiving lessons, you know? 482 00:19:44,444 --> 00:19:46,228 I wanted to be able to be spontaneous 483 00:19:46,272 --> 00:19:48,491 and do what I wanted to do for once, you know? 484 00:19:48,535 --> 00:19:51,668 All of the stuff that I'd... [groans] 485 00:19:51,712 --> 00:19:53,366 Who cares, doesn't matter anymore. 486 00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:55,411 - Listen, if you ask me, 487 00:19:55,455 --> 00:19:57,935 you can always find a reason not to do anything. 488 00:19:57,979 --> 00:20:01,809 And if there is stuff you want to do, 489 00:20:01,852 --> 00:20:03,419 do that stuff. 490 00:20:04,942 --> 00:20:06,814 - Yeah. 491 00:20:06,857 --> 00:20:09,599 Maybe. I don't know. 492 00:20:09,643 --> 00:20:11,993 - Have you ever played laser tag? 493 00:20:12,036 --> 00:20:14,474 Oh, it is awesome. 494 00:20:14,517 --> 00:20:16,606 They tell you not to run, but you can run. 495 00:20:16,650 --> 00:20:18,304 You can. 496 00:20:18,347 --> 00:20:21,307 [classic rock music playing] 497 00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:28,401 ♪ 498 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,839 - Hey. - Hey. 499 00:20:31,882 --> 00:20:33,319 - What happened here? 500 00:20:33,362 --> 00:20:36,670 - Oh, you know how crazy gender reveal parties get. 501 00:20:36,713 --> 00:20:37,888 - Yeah. 502 00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:39,673 - [Italian accent] There was so much Chianti, 503 00:20:39,716 --> 00:20:43,938 and the mozzarell' and the unlimited bread-a sticks. 504 00:20:43,981 --> 00:20:45,113 [chuckles] 505 00:20:45,156 --> 00:20:46,680 ["Rebel Rebel" by David Bowie] 506 00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:50,597 ♪ We like dancing and we look divine ♪ 507 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:53,991 ♪ You love bands when they're playing hard ♪ 508 00:20:54,035 --> 00:20:58,169 ♪ You want more and you want it torn ♪ 509 00:20:58,213 --> 00:21:01,521 ♪ They put you down, they say I'm wrong ♪ 510 00:21:01,564 --> 00:21:05,612 ♪ You tacky thing, you put them on ♪ 511 00:21:05,655 --> 00:21:09,180 ♪ Rebel rebel, you've torn your dress ♪ 512 00:21:09,224 --> 00:21:13,272 ♪ Rebel rebel, your face is a mess ♪ 513 00:21:14,577 --> 00:21:16,797 - I, uh-- - I'm pregnant. 514 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,756 - ♪ Hot tramp, I love you so